It is not suppose to be a cruel world...

I’m a person who like to see change happen. Good changes of course. If a bad situation happens I either do my best to change it or I becoming very upset and hide away and totally ignore it. A bit extreme I know but i just notice this is how i am. Which is why i often avoid things or become ‘lazy’. Not because I don’t want to do anything about it, but it is often too big for me to handle. Which is why I am always so firm on what I believe in. Which is also why a lot of people see me as being very stubborn and fussy. I’m sorry but i have to get things right.

This brings me to why I became a vegetarian. I didn't become one so that everyone will think that i’m ‘SO HEALTHY’ or act so elitist when I’m eating. Or even part of my eating problem. Yes I admit I DID  have an eating problem. But I became a vegetarian not to become slimmer. NO NO NO. One good thing about coming to India, I have manage to overcome my eating fears. Mostly because I have to think about Leonard and feed him (with what i cook) and I just have too much work to do and not enough to eat most of the time and also lots of diarrhoea. Ok that is off track. But no vegetarianism is NOT because i want to eat less or become slimmer!

I learnt about it through my school IP project and read up alot of books and got alot of information on what factory farming and meat consumption if doing our planet. I decided that yes I want to change, I want to make a difference. See? I saw that i could a make a difference with what I eat and decided that yes i will make this change happen. How can I after knowing the environmental impact of meat production still eat meat? How can I knowing how cruel the factories are at rearing all these animals still consume them? How can I knowing that people, kids are going hungry because of the lack of grains that are going to all these animals still eat meat?! You can??! Sorry I can’t. If i can make a difference I will and I will try my best to persuade those around me. How can i allow people I love and care about consume animals after knowing the amount of antibiotics and “shit” that goes into them?! Sorry you can but I can’t and I will do my best to persuade you not to consume meat. It is NOT because i want to attract peple’s attention or be laugh at or be made into a joke. It is not.

Do you guys know how difficult it is? That people is always making sarcastic remarks? Stuff like hey trees are also living things you know? They have feelings too? Erm excuse me? What rubbish are you saying? They have not read about factory farming and they come argue with me like that?! The stuff people say to you can be really hurtful. 80% of the time i receive remarks like these. Hey people, if you cannot have the courage nor self-control to be a vegetarian, who are you to be so mean to me? Don’t ever try to act smart in front of me. Because I know my small act at each meal makes a more positive change to the environment my God created than that piece of factory farmed crap you are eating. God created the animals and the environment for us to love and care for, not to slaughter and make a crap out of. Yes the Bible says we can eat meat, BUT NOT IN THIS UNETHICAL manner. Get it?!

Sorry about being so emotional. I cannot help it i guess. I keep getting all these mean remarks from people and they are hurting me and my sisters. It is totally unfair.

Another big issue I’m facing now is Christianity in India. I seriously doubt if there are many Christians here, I doubt if there is a charismatic church. It upsets me to come to face this reality. I can feel it. The whole atmosphere. You can’t blame the people here for how they act and the way they live. India is a overpopulated country. They have problems feeding this many people. Everyone is trying to survive in this country. It is no surprise that they are always trying to cheat our(2 young n blur Chinese) money. No surprise at all. I found something that is really lacking. Love. Love between people. Yes they are friendly(i mean my colleagues) But they need to survive more than anything else. But as i travel around, seeing so many kids asking for alms, people sleeping on the streets, kids without shoes, walking in between the crazy traffic just to sell some flowers/ toys for a few rupees... It hurts. It hurts alot. People just ignore them. Me included. I dare not do anything to help. I feel so totally worthless seeing how much they need help. THEY DON’T DESERVE  to live like that! I’m upset about how i cannot make a change int their lives. They don’t know what love is. They don’t know that Our Heaven;y Father loves them! I’m really upset and confuse whenever I think about this. And i’m always thinking about it. 

Why...Why... Why must they live like that...How do i spread God’s love to them? How to they live each day without love, hope and faith?

Dear God, how do i make change happen? How do i let those in need know that there is love, the greatest love of all from You? I feel so small, tiny and helpless in this BIG country.