Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Have confidence and perservere on

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
-Hebrews 10:35-36

If you are down and out, feel that the only thing that you are going through the worse stuff alone, I'm telling you, you are not. My Abba Papa told me that! Things are going better? hmmm not really, there are good and bad situations all around. My environment and situation basically stays the same but i changed. And this is true, the only thing that you can change is you, when you meet with a bad situation. I want to be frank, it has been crappy for me. There was one night I went home, laid on my sofa and cried and cried until I fell alseep and woke up and cry and fell asleep again. The last week shocked my family, the ones who see me day in day out. They were just shocked at how pale and ghastly I look, without the make-up (hahaha others don't realised cause I made sure I don't look like a zombie when I left the house!). My face was sunken and eye bags took up half my face. Basically I had moments that I basically retreated to my 'comfort' zone, which was actually far from comfortable- I allowed myself to be very (very) depress, so depress it showed up on my face and in my head( headache constantly bugged my). But God works in mysterious and amazing ways. I went to buy Bill Johnson's book for Eugene- 'Strengthen yourself in the Lord'. Wow the book couldn't have come to me in a more timely manner. When I enter christian bookshops, the one thing I will ask God is, so what do You want me to read? and God kinda insisted I buy this book for Eugene. Well, since Eugene wasn't in his best of state, I the first few chapters before he did. I felt the words in the book hit me, like a punch. A very powerful punch. Abba Papa is very creative and does things that cater especially to us. I didn't got to finish it, because I felt it will really help Eugene more, so I returned to him and couldn't get another one since it was out of stock in Mount Zion. (trust me, I don't want to let go of it, it was speaking to my heart) But a few points I learnt, that I am holding onto very tightly:

- God is GOOD- no matter what is the circumstances, when you carry this simple truth in your heart,'God is good', you'll know and see the environment you are in does not change the fact that He is GOOD. No, nothing at all can this truth. So yes, the situation maybe hard, difficult and very lonely but God is good and...
- God put us in situations not to see us fail but to....GROW. It is only in our loneliest battle that we grow. People around you can never fully understand or help you. Everyone has their own battles to fight and grow out of. Why does God do it? So that He can bring to the next level, and put you in a position that when bad things come at you, you can stay strong and carry on. Look at King David! He went through the worst shit~ when he was called to be king! God wants to bring me up, He wants me to grow even if it mean facing it alone...
-We are never alone, physically we may seemed to be, nobody to hear you out, nobody understands...etc. But.....Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:37-39. We have the Holy Spirit with us! He never leaves! (more often then no we are the ones who leaves Him, ignoring Him)

God is good and I realized that I can ask for nothing more than Him, cause there is nothing better than Him. Nothing. Sunday I did with the nudging of Holy Spirit, did the little paper doll exercise with my family for Family Alter time. After what happened last sunday( i was showered by a lot of hurting words when i tried to have Family Alter time), I didn't know how God gave me the strength to continue insisting it on the whole family. They all act like it was my responsibility!(like God is only mine not theirs-_-") But God gave me strength to do the say-something-bad-and-i-cut-your-paper-doll-activity. Truly I wanted to give up halfway( my dad was drawing a stick man and saying we were doing sunday school activity, even sacarstic tone), but I insisted and even read fromt the Love Dare book, encouraging them to take the first dare- PATIENCE. If there have ever been a more impatience family, it must be mine, and really our mouth and tempers are not very forgiving to each other. But thank God they were listening and actually willing to take up the dare! Don't know how it is all going to end up~~ But hey who cares? God ask me to do, so He settle! I just follow and obey! Love you Abba Papa!

Note: My family situation, Eugene and my (very lame and boring) job have not change, the only one who did change is me. Keep you face to His face and everything else will fall in place:)

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