Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Like a child

The truth is I am at a crossroad, not super sure of how to move on. I desperately want to move towards my calling- my heart wants to go to Harvest Missions school by Iris Ministry which is started by Heidi Baker. When I saw the website, my heart did a little flip- this is where I want to go, this is what I want to do. How I wish I have not a care or responsibility in this world, I can just leave and go where my Holy discontent leads me. Everyone has a Holy discontentment, it is what our Father put in us, something that thugs our spirit. Our spirit will never truly be satisfied if we don't fulfill out Holy discontentment. And we will only truly be happy when we are doing what God really want us to do, I really can't agree more.

But is it the right timing? God when do I go? When do I move? That is my biggest concern. I remember the prophecy and I remember that God wants me to wait for His timing.

As a deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God! -Psalms 42:1

I also remember clearly about this verse, God wants me to long for Him like water. I am quite far from having this longing and desire in me. God gave me a calling for His work, so who I to use my own might and power to achieve His calling?

I think I am moving towards the direction of studying animation, I don't know why God wants me to study but I cannot deny that I am scared. Memories of my design school still vivd in my mind, all my tiredness, stress, loneliness, hunger and so so poor. Always worried about my printing money, traveling, food.... And animation is well know for the amount of time and effort needed. I'm sure God has given me the perseverance to complete this future diploma, but God I don't want to do it at the expense of my health, family and most importantly time with God. When I get so busy that I can't spend time with God, my life just goes downhill. Design school made my anorexic and depress, I don't know what animation school will bring...

Whoever then humbles himself like this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. -Matthew 18:4

I think the Lord wants me to be like a child, humble myself, hold on to Him tightly and see how He leads me. Without Him i really don't know where to go and how to move on because my current situation is far from ideal, if not for Him i really can't go on. Have faith in Him and take flight...

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